Friday, March 20, 2009

A Touching Gift

Who would ever know who would ever expect that, you would get a sudden delivery out of the blue. Seems like no one would ever send me flower during this time. I don't have anyone that close and there isn't any occasion or special event around some more. When I received this news from my boss, I wondered ... At the moment I picked up the flower and opened the card to read , my tears just flowed..

Such a gentle message, such a simple lines. Yet, it is so deep. I never expect the giver to understand the pain so well what I am going through without me telling. Even though, I never even show it every time we met. However, since there were times when I really wanted to go far far away and disappear, knowing from the message that.. I still have people around who really want me to be happy, knowing that I still have people around who still love me.. it really comfort me. I will always remember the giver's care and never forget.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

My Day-Off and... my best guy friend

I can't remember when was the last time I had a weekday off. Well, today I had one and it was good. I could wake up at 9 instead of the usual 7.. then head of to the city for medical check up. Unfortunately, I had fasted too long and the nurse refused to take my blood. Sigh, I was very hungry at that time, but nothing I could do. So, I have to come again next Wednesday morning. Followed by this, I went for reading accompanied by my fav. mocha at Starbuck and waited for my friend. We went for lunch, then window shopping at many places along Collins, Myer & David Jones.

At Tiffany & Co., I saw one very nice necklace, but I will not buy it. It's against my principle to buy myself a necklace. Haha. I like necklace but the thing is, I don't need necklace now. What I really need now is a keychain. The last one that I had was a gift from a friend, but it's time to change it. I have been looking around for a very long time, but I never find it. Thus I give up looking for a suitable one. Hope that one day I will have it. Perhaps, if I had one close friend who were willing to buy one for me, it would be great. Jk.

The day continued on when my close friend, Mikha met up with me (Such an irony that the night before I just missed hanging out with him). We went for nice French coffee & cake, walked around city and chit-chat, then went to inspect some nice cars. Afterward, we went home, gathered with other friends then attended staff's farewell dinner at night. One thing I could say is: thanks a lot for the genuine company. Really grateful for the pleasant quality time, meant a lot for me, and that's what I need so much for now..

Friday, March 13, 2009

130309

' Dare I miss You ? ' - a friend of mine really have no idea how much this sentence comforted me. Yes we are like 500 miles apart, but guess what, a true genuine email from a far-distance close friend really felt good. Thanks to you, pal, for giving me this inspiration to write blog again since you said 'Whenever I had short breaks, I'd go and check out ur blog, but u havent added anything recently.' I wonder how come there is still human who check on my blog so faithfully.

The reason why I haven't write for a more than a month is.. yeah.. many reasons. Lack of motivation, no mood, no idea on what I should write or the extreme : too many inside myself that I had no inkling at all of what I should share here. Trust me, I had like paragraphs and paragraphs of words flowing unceasingly on my mind sometimes when I couldn't sleep at night.. but I decided not to write straight away that time due to the content within ; not very nice stuff to write. Meaning : all mean and harsh. Better write it now, than that time. Wise move.

I am fine. I am good. Many people ask how I am recently. Might as well write it here. Most of the time I am happy spending time alone in the city after work and enjoy solitary time in my bedroom when the whole house turns still, when everyone is sleeping. That's the best time to enjoy solitude. Work is fine too, stable, content, better than a year before, building up myself to be 'more patient' presumably... whatever... but at least become things that I still look forward to do day after day. Still, I avoid groups.. Unless I have a very comfy feeling about it, I would go.. other than that.. nah.. not a time for big happy gathering. Except for social obligation...

Is not that I am trying to be anti-social or whatever.. Just.. don't want to affect ppl around me. Believe it or not. And....When thing clicks, it just happens. If not, just forget about it and say good-bye. Never invest too much, never too deep; the new motto.

Life feels like 'living on the stage.' You go to work, you act decently, follow the rules and obligations, get along with people for the sake of organisation's diplomacy. You go home, you play your part as you should be, you be in whatever social situation, then you adjust the role and play along too.

Sometimes, nostalgia hits me like never before too.. Miss my hometown.. miss the friends and the groups I used to feel belong to .. Recently chat with my relative, and he said he might be coming here.. 'please do so, bro.' Miss my good friends who have gone back for good... I even miss my friend nearby, like my 'bro'.. miss talking to him sometimes. Just that it's not that necessary. Have to consider how busy he is with his uni, assignment, work, friends, gf, etc.... What the.. why am I so emo.. Think too much ? Yeah, I am a true genuine melancholic. Sounds like I am so deprieved of something here? haha.. Yeah. It is so damn painful to lost a friend. That's why it made me think back of my old lost close pals..Why not being defensive? Nah, what's the use ? Whatever words spoken will never change the situation. Action speaks louder than words.

People say, you won't notice or miss how important something is until it's gone, until you have lost it. Yeah.. it's very true. No objection. But is a good thing to have, so we can move on and 'grow'. My good friend said, 'whoever can not move on is a loser.' No objection. No matter how life is going to be, I never ever let myself be crushed down by whatever situation. Play cool man. That's the word. Is not the first time anyway, just another level to go through.

In the past, adapting to changes was easier. Plus my ego and head-strong within. When I cut off myself from something, I will never go back. That's it. End of story. But sometimes, it is really hard. Especially when you have things to say, but unable to say it out. And it bottles up inside slowly slowly... then it is just a matter of times when it .. haha. Hope it doesn't happen. To be honest, yeah. I thought about many things especially a month ago. Like..'thousand of why' in my head, leading towards.. blaming myself.. Things like 'everything 's my fault' or things like ' what if i disappear from this world? One day I will die anyway, Life doesn't matter right?' Haha.. Dead serious. No joke here.

It's like having this battle inside you. And if you were weak, adios, pal. I sort of understand why people get depressed and jump off the building. But nah.. that period had been conquered. No worries. At least I have things to inspire me in life. Switching my focus towards other things. Easy easy. A girl came to me and commented very positive remarks towards me. I was like, 'i did not deserve it.' There is this dark ugly side of me still. But Thanks anyway. Even some admire how strong I am ? Am i that strong ? not really, it's all by Grace, to be honest.

No dramas.. though seems like everything is so dramatic. No drama for me means being genuine, no pretending, no made-up stuff.. And.. this is just a blog. It Is where you just type whatever is on your mind. Not asking for sympathy, advice, or pity here. So my dear fellow readers, no need to take it seriously. Just a one time mood to write and here I am, writing this long passages with just a 'Flow' with no clear main topics, which would be failed by the lecturer. Hahahha. If you don't understand what I am writing, let it be. Because, I myself don't really know what I am writing about. Will play with words again when I have the inspiration kicking in. Cheers !