For Always - Cece Winnans

Remembering so well, the day that I met you
You took me in your arms and caused dreams to come true
From the fear of what would be
You came and rescued me

(chorus)
Lord I pray today for the rest of my life,
live inside my heart please stay for always
till that timeless place when we're face to face
And we embrace for always

I look ahead and see the hills that I must climb
Some high and some low
But if you lead I'll go
and at the end I'll see, you were always there with me

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/for_always_lyrics_cece_winans.html
All about Cece Winans: http://www.musictory.com/music/Cece+Winans

Painful Sight of the most Fundamental Moral Issue.

It always hurts when we see how the younger generation group treat their seniors or older generation with disrespect. I know this is something that is unavoidable since the world is changing; everyone has their own free right, education teaches kids to raise questions, and media is full with too much immoral teachings...Yeah... moral is degrading, what has this world changing to be ?

In the past, older people are highly regarded. When they say 'Do it', you 'Do it.' When they say 'NO', you should obey. No question asked. They are older. They deserve more respect and there's no objection in this. Yet, in this so called post-modern world where everything is relative, I see kids screaming at their parents, younger people shouted back and argued with their older people with not a slight of fear. I see weird attitudes, selfish behavior, and 'I don't need you to Control me' that sort of body languages...or many more things that I don't want to mention here as they are Too Much !

It is very sad... And i think everyone should be aware of this issue.
And.. again,

It hurts, when I see how the young treats the elderly, especially when you see it with your own eyes.

I know both parties have faults. We are all selfish human are we ?But, there is so called things called ' Conscious', 'Emotion' , 'Feelings, ' Etiquette' and 'Love'. Can't we feel the hurt when others are hurt ? Can't we feel sad when others are sad ? I am not talking about empathy. I am talking about the supposedly accepted things and morality, which, nowadays, it is changing...

And if this generation never learn, how about the next generation ? and the next after ?

Sigh...

Nothing else could help, other than Faith, Love and Hope....

Song that touches me as I sing ..

HadiratMu ~ Sari Simorangkir

Di Hadirat-Mu Tempat Yang Kurindukan
Napas Hidupku Dan Sumber Kekuatan
Di Sana Kau Nyatakan Isi Hati Dan Rindu-Mu
Sehingga Kumengerti Berharganya Hidupku

Hadirat-Mu Yang Membawaku
Terima Semua Janji-Mu
Mengubah Hidupku Menjadi Indah
Hadirat-Mu Yang Menguatkan
Aku Di Dalam Pengharapan
Yesus Untuk Selamanya Hiduplah Dalamku

current Financial status..

Activity : Checking out on my Balance.

Sigh, I am running out of money soon.

It's been 9 months since the last time I had a stable income and had that blessing to spend and enjoy without any worries of how much the numbers would drop down. And these days, especially since I have moved into zone 2 area, meaning - paying more than I used to be. At the moment, for my own access to make may daily transaction.. I only have less than 300 left.

Must be the driving tests and the fees involved, or perhaps other things that unavoidable. Surely I have to go back to work extra next week to get back some extra cash, no matter what. At least, when I work what I am working now, I could survive for that week, and I could save around 40-50. To simplify, when I work for that week, I survive for that week. If I don't, I would be in trouble.

However, looking back at how I have survived all these months. I am pretty amazed at How Much my Lord is taking care of me. He provides and take care of my provision. So far so good, and so far, I have enough and grateful for the sufficiency...

I am longing to have what I really need now : a proper job and a proper income. I am not aiming for high income that makes me rich or goes up the social ladder. But, a steady one would do.

Really hope that next year I would have these 3 needs to be fulfilled : a job, a stable income and a driving license. Yup, I do.

Being Still

Being infected with an unfortunate infection that ...disabled me to stand still for even an hour, was devastating at first.. but have taught me a lot.

Special thanks for friends who care for me so much during this period, especially those who gave me a ride and sent me home... thank you......

Being grateful to have the rest, and enjoy the family surrounding.. which comforts me...

and most importantly, I have come to appreciate for even the ability to walk. It is so simple yet, many of us human have taken it for granted.. It is a gift and we should be grateful that we still could eat, talk, walk and breath in Oxygen as usual day by day. Everything is by grace...

Thank you Lord, for taking care of me.

~ Learning to Give Thanks even in not-so-good time ~

Domestic Struggle

Can you believe that.. sometimes I do have thoughts of running away from home ?

As far as I could remember, I did have that thoughts quite a number since I was a little girl…

Yet I know that it is impossible to do so.. for the sake of obedient, for the sake of being grateful, for the sake of dependency… and ..for the sake of knowing that it is not right.....

Many times I felt like an alien, a foreigner, someone weird or different.

Many times I felt distrust, intimidated, that tense atmosphere indescribable with words…

Is it because of character differences? Differences in point of view? Or Harsh differences, the insensitive versus sensitivity ? Or myself? Or realizing the inevitable truth that what I really want in secret would be opposed harshly? … Would be rejected… without mercy.. ? I do not know…only love that holds everything together.

Or am I writing this to make myself better ?

Writing Again

Just realizing that more than a year has flies since the last time I used to write my thoughts and pour out myself in blog writing... and understandably...numerous and uncountable things did happened within 1 year.. simply said; I have laughed a lot, I cried, I moved, I learned, I fell, I did stupid things, I came back, I picked myself up again, and I have loved..

Here's a very short bit about 2009,

I could said that, from July 09 onwards, it seemed to beblissful..
It was wonderful, yet also somber in certain way.. another words.. a lonely world. As there were of course unspoken things that had happened beyond control... and will remain mysteries.

Gradually 2010 arrived.. things went well at first.. and I had decided to quit my restaurant managerial job.. Hoping to be able to enter the industries that I have been yearning for ...
I took driving lessons too.. thinking that it wouldn't be too hard to tackle...yet I was wrong..

Sitting here and typing this right now at 2pm. Obviously explains that I haven't been really working on something... solid.. . I haven't settle with job-hunting.. and there were times when i had lost my motivation due to the frustration of being turned down here and there... Sometimes I felt disappointed with even myself, who didn't even really know what I really wanted in this life.....

Remembering the 2nd time I failed my driving test : well.. I cried..but coming to realization that tears wouldn't help improve any situation much... i took the 3rd one. When i failed that, I had lost all my emotions, let alone, expression..

Moving house : at start, it was difficult. Somehow I hated changes, I hated my routine to be altered... yet, I obeyed my parents and moved. The 1st day I stayed there, I thought that : I don't deserve all these..... It's too much..... In my heart, I thank God for the provision and my family......
Yes, I couldn't go home anytime I want anymore, transport still sucks, and I even have chosen to stay at my friends' place during weekends... and sometimes.. I felt helpless..
Helpless in the sense that.. I used to be independent. Now I have to be dependent on people around me... and I felt mortified sometimes to be a burden to here and there....Sometimes.. seeing and meeting people around me who are on their right tracks with jobs and things settle... made me feel intimidated..

But I am grateful in a certain way... cause without these, I will never improve.

Jess.. You have to stop living in a circle...

The last thing that I would never forget is love. Love is painful. But what doesn't kill you, it would made you stronger. I have learn lots about love this year.. I have understand what does it like to love above the norm, to love in a difficult situation... and I have had cried all my tears out near the river in the middle of the night alone.. and I have learn to continue to love.. even though realities and obstacles are hard...

Trust me, having no job made you lost your confident, failing driving test 3 times and kept on losing money made you stress, lots of things I cant even afford right now, pressure from parents, friends, difficulties of transport, access, feeling that I am a bad leader and unworthy even to stand and sing......, broken hearts are all severely depressing. I had thought that : 2010 seemed like a year of failures. I have had suicide thoughts before few months back.. I have had sunk into depression, and I have had even thrown things or display violent behaviors in secret.. I even had thought to just disappear from Melbourne and just forget everything. However, I am not giving up and never be.

What keeps me going through all this ? What made me survive ?

Faith, Hope, and Love.

When I fell down, He picked me up.
When I lost hope, He called upon me.
When I had tears, He sent friends to comfort me...
When I felt that I am unworthy, He called me precious.
When I was unable to lead, He spoke to my choir members to pray and encouraged me..
When I lost all the love, He restored me....

He is good and He is real.. He is my God..and Grace is too good, too expensive, and too wonderful to describe...

This year is the 1st year where I really understand Grace.. not as a knowledge, but something real.....
Although this is the year where I have experienced so much failures, This is also a year when I have come to deeper worship than before..

With hope, I am looking forward for 2011... trusting that things happened for reasons.. and even bad things, are under His control.

Thinking that there are those who suffered more than me, those who are less fortunate than me.. I should be grateful...

Thank God so much.. for what I have now, what I still have now, who I have now, the trust I have now from Him, brothers and sisters who love me ..and everything that is to come..